Unanswered Prayers

Early in our relationship we had gone to Niagra Falls. He was still trying to impress me then, so we searched out a church. What we found was a monastary and after Mass we toured the monks' chapel. Being a believer, I was naturally in awe of the power and beauty of the very real pressence of God. I sat there in silence for awhile while he snapped pictures of the stained glass. He asked me about the candles and I explained the custom of lighting a candle to accompany a prayer. He gave me a dollar and told me to light a candle. He asked me what I prayed for but I wouldn't tell him. What I prayed for was him. For him to open up to the possibility that God exsisted and that my religion wasn't so "crazy". We went into the gift shop and there the questions began....about the rosary beads, about the statues, about the prayer books, about the angels.....and the saints. Who they were and why we prayed to them and why there were so many. I told him about patron saints and why we chose them. He asked me to pick a patron saint for him. I knew right away who I would pick. I had a few Canadian coins left so I bought him a medal of his new patron saint. St. Jude. The patron saint of impossible causes. (my sister told me I was mean) These past few years, everywhere we went it was always him who searched for the churches......the Bascilica in St. Louis.......St. Mary's in Marieta (the most beautiful church I have ever seen in my life) he even went to Mass with me at the church by his house. Up until the very end he had questions for me. And I still prayed to Jude for intercession. I made a major miscalculation though....I forgot about free will. We all have to choose to accept God's grace or not. He won't force it on us no matter how many prayers others send up on our behalf.

I may have fallen from Steve's grace for returning all those things and suggesting he take a hard look at his life and the way he is living it, but I have found that God's grace (and mercy!) has never been more alive in my life. Sometimes it's the unanswered prayers that prove God's love for us. But are there any such things as ananswered prayers? If I prayed for a life with Steve and that wasn't what was best for me (and I know that to be true) why would a loving God give me that? Wouldn't He instead give me what I truely needed? Sometimes we just have to trust God and His plan for our lives.....so the answer to our prayers always come....just not in the way we had envisioned. Being infallible creatures, could you imagine the havoc if we were given everything we wanted? The best thing God can do sometimes is to save us from ourselves!

I am where I need to be....my family....my friends....have all been so amazing. Only 1 "I told you so" so far. I am learning who I am , who I was (not always a pretty picture) and who I want to be. I have a purpose in life now....a direction. I am rediscovering my talents and passions.....I am doing the things I have always loved but never allowed myself to do these past few years. But more importantly I have rediscovered the source of my deepest happiness. My children....my grandchildren have forgiven my serious lack of attention these past few years....and for that I am most grateful. I have been invited to ride Thomas the Tank Engine with my grandchildren....to step into the ocean with my children.....to go to a hockey game with my parents...to volunteer my time in the service of the less fortunate....and I eagerly look forward to all that and more.



I thank God for unanswered prayers.


I'm alive and I'm free......who wouldn't want to be me?