Letters I've Written...

I have often imagined seeing you again...there is so much I wanted to say to you. And yet when you surprised me at work a few years back, I was so giddy and nervous I am sure every word that I uttered made me sound like a complete fool. There are some that would argue that I am a fool...and I would offer no defense. It is safe to say that I have disappointed every one I have ever known. You were everything I ever wanted...everything I ever needed. But you had one fatal flaw...my Mother's approval. The kiss of death for a sheltered 16 year old Catholic school girl just discovering her first taste of freedom. I still remember the smell of your skin when you were bending close to me during our guitar lessons...your shy,nervous, sweet smile. But you confused me. You weren't like the other guys I dated... It's funny how mothers and daughters and fathers and sons dance with each other through the teen years. The sudden shift in power makes it hard to say who will lead and who will follow...they can't even decide on the band! As I turned away from her, I turned away from you. I was young, impetuous, headstrong...and dead wrong! In my eagerness to start the race I stumbled coming out of the gate and not only lost my footing, but my direction as well. By the time I realized my mistake it was too late. When I called you to let you know of my plans you asked me a very pointed question. I hesitated in my reply because I knew what it would mean to you. In the silence that followed I prayed that you would assure me that it wouldn't matter...that you still loved me. Your answer devastated me as much as my confession devastated you. Faced with my worst fears confirmed, I felt I had to settle for what I deserved. (if it's any consolation...Karma has not been kind) By the grace of God, I have survived my clumsy attempts at life and love. I would like to think I am stronger and smarter now but I think we all know that I will continue to make mistakes until the day I die. One mistake I don't want to make is to let one more day go by without letting you know what you have meant to me and how sorry I am for hurting you. One more thing...you gave me this album...you know the rest of the song. :-)