Before I get to the heart of the matter tonight I want to post my horoscope for today. I think it's kind of amusing. I never believed in this stuff ( I still don't) but I read them for fun. They have been especially compelling lately.
Sagittarius October 12
Warm and inspiring relations with others at this time might not only make you happy today, dear Sagittarius, they could inspire you to be creative in some way. Your friends should prove very supportive of your efforts at this time and this can spur you on to accomplish a lot. Writing especially could show a lot of promise. Get busy and have some fun.
It seems as if I have some critics. I find their comments strangely amusing. The complaint is that I am self centered and need professional help. Last time I checked, this was my blog. I guess they think I should be using this space to tell of the greatness of Steve and how fortunate the young one and I were to have been a part of his life. They say I should move on and not talk to Steve anymore(news flash...I haven't spoken to him in over 2 months) but yet...why are they even reading this blog??????? Who needs to move on here?????? But then again they must not be reading very closely because they have totally missed the point. Or else they only hear what they want to hear in which case nothing I say matters....they already think they know all there is to know.
They say there are two sides to every story...but my dad used to say there were three....you have one side, the other person has one side, and the truth usually lies somewhere in between.That truth is what I have been seeking.
It's never just one person's fault when a relationship ends. Two go in....two go out. I never said it was all his fault. Do I think he has issues? Yes. Do I think I have issues? Yes. If the "anonymous" poster (and I love how these posters hide behind the "anonymous" tag) had been paying any attention they would have seen that in my posts. When your life is tossed upside down it's natural to be angry....or hurt....or resentful. I will not apologize for anything I said while working out those emotions. Self examination is not being self centered......it's a necessary step in understanding what was wrong and what was right in the relationship so you can learn from the experience and emerge stronger and smarter. Only a fool would say they were totally right and not ever face their shortcomings. Only a person who is dead inside would think they have nothing more to learn from life.
I am insecure and emotional....but I am honest and kind. I am indecisive and opinionated......but I am compassionate and forgiving. I am moody....but I am a hard worker. We are all many things....both good and bad. Part sinner....part saint. That includes Steve. He has both good and bad qualities. It's all about balance.....it's all about striving to be the best we can be. But the "anonymous" poster has NO RIGHT to an opinion on what Steve has done to Brian........you have no clue as to the extent of the devestation that boy is working through. You think Steve is a saint...and I need professional help....but Brian is the one in counseling now at the school's request. And Steve has yet to even acknowledge that he has hurt Brian in any way. You can defend him all you want but the hallmark of narcissism is the lack of compassion and the necessity of destroying anyone who challenges the narcissist. Narcissists can't ever see how they hurt other people. Steve is laughing at me and mocking my attempts to hold him accountable....he makes light of Brian's pain.....and obviously brags about it to you "anonymous" poster. So what does that say about all of you?????? I dare you to tell me to my face that Brian just needs to "move on". I dare you to tell Brian that yourself too!
And to answer your question....yes my children are proud of me. They are proud of the fact that I am standing up for myself and Brian. They are proud of the home I have created......of everything that I have done ON MY OWN . They respect me for the commitment I show to my faith in God. They respect me for refusing to entertain any thought of hate or revenge towards the ever growing list of men who have hurt me and their brother. They are proud of my attempts to forgive the past and seek a better future....even when it means being brutaly honest about my own shortcomings. They especially respect the fact that I admit that I am not perfect.
So it's you who talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk. I challenge you to contact me personally....sit down and hear the truth...not the version he spins. But I'll bet you can't handle the truth. Because that would mean facing the fact that maybe you are wrong about some things. It's not easy to look in the mirror and see warts and all staring back at you but we all have to do it sooner or later. Denying it doesn't change it.
And as far as moving on goes........ask him where my house key is. Better yet....tell him he owes me $150 for having to get the locks changed.
And tell him #6 on Snow Patrol still applies. Seriously.
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