Forgive We Now Each Other's Faults...

As we our faults confess.

That was one of my favorite hymns as a child. You don't hear that one too much anymore at church.

Where charity and love prevail
There God is ever found
Brought here together by Christ's love
By love are we thus bound
Forgive we now each other's faults
As we our faults confess
And let us love each other well
In Christian holiness

Forgivness is something that comes easy for me. I admit I get hurt and angry at times.....but hate and revenge are 2 things I just don't understand. I know a lot has been said lately out of pain and confusion. And I can even admit that I am still angry somewhat but I have never said anything about hating Steve and I never said or did anything to intentionally hurt him even though he's done that to me. If anything, giving a name to an issue in his life was meant to try to help. Love does not just "give up" or go away. It may change to a differant form.....but it remains constant. God does not stop loving us when we displease Him. And patron saints don't abandon us when we need them the most (even when we don't even recognize that we need them). There has been so much in this life that God has forgiven me.

No, forgiving others has never been my problem......my problem is worse than that. My problem is that I can't seem to forgive myself. And that is an even deadlier sin.... thinking my sin is greater than God's mercy. It would be easy...and convienient to blame my poor choices in life on my mother. But the truth is, she's only human and I can see and understand her "limitations" too. Yes.....I certainly came away from my childhood with extremly low self esteem......but that isn't what led me down the dark alleyways I have been travelling all my life.
She may have hurt me....but she didn't shame me. I did that to myself. And shame is the greatest injury to our souls.....it's the emotion that fuels all our fears about ourselves. It's the one Adam and Eve felt upon their departure of the Garden of Eden....it's the one we are cleansed of by the Holy Spirit....and if we despair of that cleansing....if we deny that it can cleanse us then there is no hope for us. I have spent my whole life trying to deny something....trying to love better, forgive more...in the hopes I could "make up" for the past. But some things you just can't "make up" for. Some things you just have to beg God's mercy for.....but you have to believe He will forgive....believe he will forget... but most of all, you have to accept that mercy. You have to accept that only God has the power to make things right. Our job is to just accept His mercy....praise Him for it..........and pass it on down the line.